Trash Talking As An Art Form?

From Kristin:

Every one's heard it. Trash talking. Be it friends ribbing each other, someone screaming racial obscenities over Ventrilo/XBoxLIVE/TeamSpeak, or a colorful expression of exasperation at some one's skill, trash talking wont be going away any time soon. That being said, there are some rules that go along with trash talking. I know what you're thinking - rules? How can there be rules for trash talking? Its just a bunch of kids screaming four letter words at each other.

Not exactly.

Trash talking has evolved into something that your either adept at or not. There will always be someone who is better at it than you, just like playing a game or a sport, but to put yourself into the elite category you need to be able to do more than spout off the same 3 four-letter words in a row. It requires having a robust vocabulary (you need to know what's being said to you!) as well as imagination and a VERY quick wit. The most satisfying feeling is being able to best someone in a trash talking exchange by not resorting to cussing.

There are 3 main types of trash talkers and kinds of trash talking.

There's the omni-present simpleton trash talking. This user has exactly 3 words in his vocabulary, 4 if a girl is in the room and loves to display their middle school education. They tend to find that they're talking to themselves because everyone mutes them the first chance they get. Tends to use four letter words and whatever a lot. They'll still talk trash even if they're in last place on the leader board. They can't take a joke and will close down the server if anything negative is said at them. Usually found wandering servers solo and get banned consistently.

Then there's the I-made-it-through-school-and-know-when-to-keep-my-trap-shut (but not how to pull the mic out of my mouth so everyone has to hear my mouth breathing). These are the people you'll hear start telling everyone in the server how awesome they are and how amazing they are and OHMYGOSHDIDYOUSEETHATSHOT?! DIDYOUSEEIT?! I'M UNTOUCHABLE!

They don't care if they're in last place or first place. Every shot is "amazing". If a simpleton comes into their server there tends to be a lot of your mom jokes, whatevers, cursing, questions about genitalia size, and yelling. If jokes are made about this person, they'll laugh but secretly fume and engage in team killing to make them feel better about themselves. Tend to roam in packs with a few simpletons thrown in for good measure. Likes to be the pack leader.

Lastly we have the 1337 trash talkers. These are the people that can talk circles around a person and will use eloquence and intelligence to own someone. These are the people you'll hear in servers who can keep a person running after their own shadow and they wont realize it. They are the dangerous people to get into a verbal sparring match with. They'll rarely use curse words, will take a genitalia question and run with it (talking about how they have an INVERSE of organs), wont always mute simpletons and mouth breathers but instead chose to ignore them until they say something completely asinine and rip them apart. They know how to take a joke and will crack jokes about themselves. Most dangerous in packs, should not be crossed. Can be found either in packs or solo. They have no preference as they make friends wherever they go.

Now what the average Joe doesn't realize is there is a time and a place for trash talking. Trash talking is usually reserved for online matches. Due to the anonymity the Internet affords people, they tend to be much more critical and harsh and use language that they never would use in real life to another person. When you are at an event and seeing people face to face, you don't talk the same way you would if you were playing them online. I've already talked about the biggest burn I have ever received, I usually reserve my trash talking for online matches. At LAN's I tend to be involved in friendly banter with people back and forth, but no insults being thrown. Like everyone though, I am human and do slip up. The biggest burn I've ever thrown someones way was, sadly, to a group of kids about 14.

I was at the Penny Arcade Expo 2006 competing in the Halo2 tournament with 3 friends. We had an even split in our guy/girl ratio on our team, one of the few mixed teams there.

Seed 1 was a team we rolled with no problem.

Seed 2 was the team from Bungie studios. They put up a good fight being the spamming grenade whores they are but we prevailed. And unwittingly lost out on the pink master chief figurines (dang it!).

Seed 3 was a team of 14 year old boys in matching white t-shirts with their gamertags on the back. Now the appearance that these kids gave off is that they had never been to a LAN before, had only played online on Xbox Live, and thus acted accordingly. They were saying very inappropriate things and ended up irritating most of the people in the room through the course of the tournament.

When it came time to play against a team that had two girls on it, the bantering began and quickly escalated into full on trash talking. At one point one of the kids on the other team finally resorted to calling my girlfriend and I that-other-name-for-female-dogs when I snapped.

I stood up from my chair, turned my back on the game, and told the kids to sit down, shut up, and come back when their reproductive organs had dropped. Now I'm not proud of this, but it did put an end to the slurs they were slinging (along with our rolling of their team). Everyone has their breaking point and that was mine. Sadly we lost seed 4 and took home a fourth place finish.

The moral of this story though is - no matter where your playing be it online or in person with someone. You should always treat the person with respect. No matter who they are or what level their skill at the game is acting like I acted is never okay and shouldn't be condoned.

Kristin Reilly